AWAKENING

JULY 18, 2016

SHELTERED FROM AIR & LIGHT, DARKNESS ENVELOPS WHAT IS LEFT OF MY SOUL

HEAVY, ECHOES OF MY LABORED BREATHING ARE THE ONLY SOUND.NOW.

HOLLOW I AM,  MY FEEBLE & WEAKENED SHELL EATEN ALIVE BY THE PITS OF HELL

DISTANT & FOREIGN IS MY VOICE WHEN I TRY TO SPEAK, NOBODYS LISTENING

IN THIS PLACE I HAVE BEEN EVERYTHING AND I AM NOTHING, HOW CAN I EXIST?

RESULTS OF A FRACTURED MIND, MY SURVIVAL, MY DEMISE, IT IS MY PSYCHOSIS 

IT IS MY EVERY FEAR & WORRY BALLED UP INSIDE ME, RETRACTING FROM ITSELF

THIS TANGLED MESS HAS BEEN MY SURVIVAL & MY STRENGTH, WHAT HAS KEPT ME ALIVE. 

I HAVE BEEN HERE IN THIS PLACE FOR SO LONG THAT I DON'T WANT TO COME OUT

THE LIGHT WILL HURT MY EYES THE AIR WILL BURN MY LUNGS, SO I STAY

DAYS, MONTHS, YEARS COULD HAVE PASSED BY NOW, THERE IS NO WAY TO TELL

I AM HOLDING ONTO LIFE WITHOUT REALIZING THAT I AM ALSO HOLIDNG ONTO DEATH

SO I GIVE IN & TRY TO TRUST WHAT LIES ABOVE ME, NOT YET BELIEVING 

JUST DECIDING TO TRY & STEP AWAY FROM THE DARK PLACE TO SEE IF I CAN

TO FEEL WHAT I HAVE FORGOTTEN, TO KNOW IF I WILL PERISH BECAUSE OF IT

MY BODY ACHES FROM BEING IN THIS POSITION, MY MIND IS FOGGY & UNCLEAR

THE PAIN IN MY CHEST BECOMES GREATER & MY VISION PLAYS OUT LKE A MOVIE

FADING IN & OUT, SOUNDS NOT PRIMARY JUST BACKGROUND NOISE, A FILLER

EVERY SENSE EVENTUALLY HEIGHTENED, COLORS SO VIBRANT, I CAN ALMOST FEEL AGAIN

THINGS FEEL STRANGE YET FAMILIAR, HAVE I BEEN TO THIS NEW PLACE BEFORE?

I AM UNSURE, UNSTEADY, I FEEL SO OUT OF PLACE HERE CAN'T I JUST GO BACK?

I WANT TO RETREAT BUT I AM BLOCKED, A FORCE STRONGER THAN I WONT LET ME

IT'S TOO HARD TO LIVE HERE, I WON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO OR HOW TO EXIST HERE

I AM TOO TIRED TO FIGHT THIS, SO I HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT I AM WHAT IS NOW

I AM NOT WHAT I WAS AND CANNOT BE WHAT WILL BE, JUST WHAT IS NOW

HERE, WHERE TIME HASN'T STOPPED I MUST REMEMBER HOW TO DO THIS AGAIN

I AM AFRAID, I AM LOST, I AM ALONE JUST AS I WAS IN THE DARK PLACE 

ONLY HERE I AM NOT REALLY ALONE AND I DESPISE THE CHATTER, ITS TOO LOUD

MAYBE I WONT HAVE TO STAY HERE TOO LONG, I WANT TO GO HOME 

WHERE I WAS, WHERE I BELONG, WHERE I AM WELCOME TO STAY FOREVER