I get sad, I get angry
I get lost, I get angry
I get upset, I get angry
I get worried, I get angry
i get confused, I get angry
I get frustrated, I get angry
I get angry......I GET ANGRY
This stupid, endless cycle of confusion, numbness, frustration...all lead to the same place for me. ANGER & RAGE. Nothing I seem to try is helping at all and it comes so quickly it scares even me. I feel nothing in those fits of anger except escalation into a rage that I have very little to no control over. Sometimes square breathing works but that is only if I can remember to do it at the time. How can there be so much rage inside of one person? I used to think that about Jake because he had a million times more rage than I feel and I have never been able to grasp what could have been so tragic to instill that much rage in someone. But now I feel that rage and I can see what it took in my life to get me here....and I hate it. Why can't happiness and peace come so easily? I guess that would be too easy that's why and my life is anything but.
You come by your anger and rage honestly. You have reason to rage! I believe that at least some of your rage is frozen, unresolved grief over what and who you have missed in life. You don't have to be 'a good little girl' any longer. You are a woman. You are feeling emotions you have probably not allowed yourself to feel before. I am looking forward to seeing you today. It is time to schedule neurofeedback. Take very good care of yourself.
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