Tonight I am sad,
I am depressed, exhausted, unsure, afraid
Scared of things I cannot control
Fearful of situations that have not happened and likely never will
Regretful that I cannot be a better parent for my son,
That I haven't figured out how to communicate with him better
Why is it so hard for people who love each other to talk to one another?
To see each others point of view? To listen to one another?
Sad that I often feel misunderstood by others I love,
Sad that I wish i felt more important to them
I feel stupid sometimes for trying so hard to please everyone when I know they would not do the same for me
Still, this has not stopped me from being who I am
It just hurts to be me sometimes, it is lonely and scary and I don’t like how it makes me feel inside
I want to be seen for who I am, for the things I have overcome and the way I try everyday to be a better me
I wonder what it would be like to not know pain and disappointment? This cannot be all that life has in store for us, there is no way we are here to be ignored, thrown away, dismissed, mistreated, unloved, unwanted…...forgotten.
I have been wronged and I have been the one to do wrong to others that I love,
How can I stop reacting defensively? How can I rewire my brain to understand not everything
Is a threat to my being, that I can choose the outcome now, that I don’t have to just survive
I can live, I am allowed to be here without fear of being hurt right? Aren’t we all? How can I change the way I think and feel? I don't want to be sad and depressed, how can I feel like I am good enough? Fuck tonight and my emotions over running me
