Relief......
Defined as a feeling of reassurance and relaxation
following release from anxiety or distress. This is the feeling I had when Jack
explained that my Traumatic Brain Injury Discriminate Analysis score was 97.5%.
He said the average score they see when assessing if someone has mild/moderate
TBI is between 75-85% so I fall well above their average score. What does this
number mean? That's a good question, and one that I cannot find a simple
explanation for as the dynamics of Neurofeedback are complex and have numerous variables
that they use to measure things such as this. I thought it best to leave the
explaining to an expert like Jack and continue on with what it meant to me when
Jack and I discussed it in our session yesterday.
When Jack was explaining it to me I do know
that my immediate feeling was that of Relief followed
by an immense sadness at the realization that yes, I do in fact suffer from TBI
as well as PTSD, which I had already known that I suffered from both but Jack
clarified and validated the fact for me clinically. Relief may not appear to be
a natural or primary reaction to this type of news however, the validation that
there is now something tangible to measure and explain what I have been
experiencing the past 4 years is something I have never had. I now know that
the symptoms and affects in my rapidly changing and declining mental and
emotional state are not false, made up, exaggerated, non-existent or all in my
head, they are very real and they can be measured and seen. There is a reason
that exists to tell me what is wrong with me and just hearing that there is,
has calmed my anxiety and shame associated with not being to fully explain what
is happening to my mind.
TBI is not something easily seen by others, at
least not the diagnosis of it. The symptoms yes, but good luck trying to make
someone understand something they cannot see, touch, hear or feel. Because TBI
is an inner issue people tend to think you are a liar or a hypochondriac when
in fact your injury runs so deep that it can take over your entire being and
cease your existence as a functioning human being. But this is where Jack
comes in as my hero, he is going to teach me the tools I need to be able to
manage my symptoms so that I can live as productive a life as possible without
being afraid of small setbacks associated with TBI and PTSD. Yesterday I
learned about Square breathing, a technique that Jack says utilizes the frontal
lobe of our brains when we are in the emotional parts of our brain (Sorry Jack
I already forgot what part of the brain that is called!). So essentially, when
we are in an emotional state our decision making skills are not as good as when
we are unemotional so Square breathing will force you to use the unemotional
part of your brain while in an emotional state and this will refocus your train
of thought. This will be just one of many techniques Jack will share with me
throughout our time working together, and I don't see that relationship ending
anytime soon so I hope to be able to share on here the vast amounts of
knowledge and experience Jack has to offer.
I am both excited and proud to continue working
with Jack and feel more so each time we meet. There is a lot of speculation out
there in the world when it comes to effective therapy and Therapists, and again
to anyone who may be seeking the right therapist for their situation I urge you
to thoroughly do your homework before allowing anyone into the deepest parts of
your personality. Just as you can be guided to change for the better, there is
always the possibility that you can be guided in the opposite direction so it
is crucial that you don't leave your mental wellbeing up to just anyone. The
one thing that resonates most with me about Jack as a therapist is that he
himself, has TBI and PTSD and has used his life experiences to do something to
make others’ lives better. It is not often that you find someone who can travel
the path that Jack or myself has followed, take the tragedies and the traumas,
go through our own personal hell and find our way out then turn it around and
be able to give and share all of it with strangers on a daily basis to help
them navigate the same. This is not the only reason that I value and
highly respect Jack as a person and as a therapist and if you ever have the
opportunity to seek out his services I give you my word, you will not find a
better, more present, mindful, experienced, compassionate man to help guide you
on your journey to wellness. I know, it sounds so commercially scripted right?
Like I am a walking paid advertisement for Jack Stell but I assure you that I
am no such thing. Just an extremely grateful and appreciative average joe who
has found her guiding light in a world of darkness, fires and sirens and
because of how I feel, I want to share with the world so that you too, have the
chance at finding your guiding light.
I have chosen to start adding some of my
writings throughout my blog so that you may get a sense of what I have gone
through at times, my thoughts and ideas, my most inner self in the rawest sense
of the form. I will also be starting to share with you the stepping stones in
my life that brought me to this point in my journey. The painful and private
truths about my life with my late husband Jake, and the reasons why I now find
myself penning a blog about my treatment with Jack. It has been my life's dream
to publish a novel and to change someone's life for the better, to be told that
my words have made an impact and that they matter to someone out in this world.
So, in a way all of those dreams get to be a reality for me because of Jack
asking me to journal my time with him because I am writing to share with anyone
who reads this my life's story and it has the potential to one day touch
someone else’s life, and maybe change that person for the better because my
words mattered. :)
I have to put a warning out there to anyone who may choose to read
the blogs that talk about my life with Jake and the experiences that have ended
with me having TBI and PTSD. What I will share will be true and painfully raw,
it will reflect my personal emotions and feelings and events will be described
to accuracy. I sometimes find it difficult to think about let alone write of,
and imagine that for some reading about it could be graphic at times. I
apologize in advance if anyone is effected in a negative way, but this is my life’s
story and I can only share it one way, honestly. If you are sensitive to things
of violence in nature, please use caution in moving forward through my blogs.
While I implore you to share in my journey I only want you to do so if it is
safe and comfortable for you to do so. If it is, then I welcome you to continue
reading my blogs as I begin the next step in this journey, sharing my life's
story with you.
No comments:
Post a Comment